yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
