I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
