How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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