I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Randomize