I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
