My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
