Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize
