Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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