I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
