life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize