I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
