my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
My penis needs a shock collar
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My dick has a subreddit
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
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