I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
