i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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