i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
