Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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