I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
did you just send me my own nude
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