I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
