honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
