Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
