I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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