Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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