literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
