I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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