I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
