And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Houston, we have a blender
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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