This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Boobs speak an international language.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My breasts were aching with rage.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
