WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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