the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
