thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize