i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
