planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
whose ass print is on the piano?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
