EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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