but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
