dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Randomize