Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
