uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
