When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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