you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
