I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
