life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
