In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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