how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
