never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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