Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
