nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
