paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
