Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
