Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
