dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
