You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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