I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
