you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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