GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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