i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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