talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
