I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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