I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
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