Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
