somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize