holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
