sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
