When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
