I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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