Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
