dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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