what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
