I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize