Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
