Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Randomize
