She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
