She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
