Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
