dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
