My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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