a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
