my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
