I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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