You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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