My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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