1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
