so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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