so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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