i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
