I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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