he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize