She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
